33. FRANKLIN COURT & THE BETSY ROSS HOUSE

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

12/31/2009

After our cholesterol injections, we walked over to Franklin Court, the former residence of Ben Franklin. His original home and print shop are long gone, but they are represented by a life-sized steel outline. There are also concrete circles on the ground with inscriptions like “Location of Ben Franklin’s privy.” Great. I needed to know that.

A door in one of the buildings leads to a winding ramp that goes several yards underground to the appropriately-named “Benjamin Franklin Underground Museum.” The National Park Service guy on duty was pretty funny. He apologized for how terrible the exhibits were that we were about to see. “They are literally falling apart,” he confessed, with a sigh. He told us that they will be shutting down imminently and moved to another location. So another historic landmark bites the dust.

When we reemerged from the Underground Museum we entered a recreation of Franklin’s print shop. Another National Park Service guy was there who gave us a demonstration on how the old printing presses worked. He even used a form of linen paper – similar to the paper used in Franklin’s lifetime. For $1 you can buy samples from the press. I bought a copy of the Declaration of Independence, which I plan to hang in my classroom. I will brag to my students about how it was printed on an 18th-century printing press on 18th-century paper. They won’t care, but I will.

After Franklin Court we paid our $15 parking fee and tried to head over to Macy’s department store. Why, you may ask? Every once in awhile, at the end of one of her entries Patricia Schultz will put an extra paragraph mentioning something unrelated to the main entry, but worth checking out all the same. In this case, she mentions a holiday display in Macy’s under the Mummers Parade entry, so we decided to check it out. We made it to Macy’s, assuming the store would have its own parking. No such luck. The parking lots around it were demanding as high as $27 for the privilege. No thanks! The trip out to Macy’s wasn’t a total loss, however. On the way we passed by the Pennsylvania Convention Center and saw a parking deck close by that only charges $7 all day if you arrive before 10 o’clock. We made a note of it in the GPS for the next day.

With nothing else to do in Philadelphia (not without paying another outrageous parking fee) we headed to the hotel and finally checked in. We were very pleased. The room was nice, the bed was comfortable. Everything was great. We turned on the television. A “Cops” marathon was on. Don’t ask me how, but four hours later we were still watching it. Yes. “Cops.” The signing of the Declaration of Independence in the morning. Watching “Cops” all night. Isn’t that the American dream?

I won’t even mention the Three Stooges marathon that was on afterwards.

32. PHILLY FOOD

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

12/31/2009

With the weather getting colder and our stomach’s getting louder we stepped inside a little restaurant called Panini’s, just outside Franklin Court.

Laura got her hoagie.

I got my Philly steak.

Everyone was happy.

31. INDEPENDENCE NATIONAL HISTORICAL PARK

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

12/31/2009

Abandoning our lunch plans we headed instead to the Independence National Historical Park, which is really a catch-all for the old section of Philadelphia where Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and the rest did their stuff before, during and after the American Revolution. The history teacher in me had fun wandering the streets. Probably the most famous landmark is the Liberty Bell, where another tourist kindly offered to take our picture – making it the only photo we have of our trips with all three of us together.

Everything in the historic district is free (if you don’t count the $15 parking) and basically grouped together so it’s easy to walk from place to place. So much that’s critical to the formation of the United States happened in these few buildings, so anyone even vaguely interested in American history shouldn’t need any excuse to go here.

FAILED ATTEMPT – PHILLY FOOD

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

12/31/2009

We finally left Allentown around 11 (since that was our check-out time) and headed towards Philadelphia. Despite all the panic on the television we didn’t hit any snow at all. We stopped by our hotel (a Days Inn in Brooklawn, New Jersey) but they weren’t ready for us yet. Undaunted, we decided to drive back to Philadelphia and see our sights. It was then that we discovered that to head into Philadelphia from across the river you have to pay a $4 toll. What kind of a city is this? Philadelphia, we hadn’t even gotten to you yet, but we already hated you.

Since it was around noon at this point, it seemed appropriate to sample Philly food – which Patricia defines as hoagies and steak sandwiches. (I wanted Philly steak, Laura wanted hoagies. So we compromised – hoagies.) The book mentions the Italian Market, supposedly the country’s largest open-air market, so that’s where we went – specifically in search of Sarcone’s Deli, and its Schultz-approved hoagies.

Unfortunately, what we encountered were the scariest streets in America: angry drivers trying to illegally pass each other on one-way streets with equally-illegally parked cars on either side. You’d have to really know where you were going and what you were doing to park here. We passed by the deli, but we didn’t know how or where to stop. As frustrating as all this was, something bizarre happened that was funny to us later. While trying to navigate this maze, a car two cars ahead burst into flames. (We felt bad for that guy. That wasn’t the funny part.) In the traffic mayhem that ensued, the car in front of us put on his hazards and stopped. The driver got out – we at first assumed to help the burning car guy. Actually, he just wanted to run into a store and do a little shopping. By the time we had finally gotten ourselves around that car the driver was still inside the store, nowhere to be found. He had literally just left his car in the middle of a busy street, behind a car that might explode. Pretty cool dude.

So, while drivers were honking their horns, cars were literally exploding around us, and people were just stopping their cars in the middle of the street because they felt like it, Daniel proceeded to throw a major screaming fit in the backseat. If they made a movie about an urban nightmare, this would be it. Both Laura and I had to throw our hands in the air and abandon Sarcone’s – now our only goal was escape!

FAILED ATTEMPT – NEW HOPE & BUCKS COUNTY

New Hope & Bucks County, Pennsylvania

12/31/2009

When we woke up in the morning we were greeted by several inches of snow. Checking the Weather Channel we discovered that our area down through Philadelphia was under severe weather conditions until 4 pm. According to the television the storm was moving right along our driving route. It occurred to me that if the Mummers Parade was cancelled, there would be no way for us to know until we had already braved the elements to get to Philadelphia. I had already bought tickets for the Mummers Fancy Brigade Finale (which is held inside at the Pennsylvania Convention Center) so I called the Center to get information about cancellations. The guy on the phone said, “It won’t be cancelled. No way. It won’t be cancelled. Cancelled? No way. It won’t be cancelled. It’s going to happen. The weather’s not that bad. Look. It won’t be cancelled. It won’t be cancelled. You can call again tomorrow morning, but man, it won’t be cancelled. No way.” After a few moments of thought I concluded that the man on the phone believed that the parade was not going to be cancelled.

We had planned to leave early in the morning to reach the town of New Hope before heading to Philadelphia, but we decided to wait until the roads had been cleared for safety’s sake. Besides, I got the impression that New Hope is virtually in Amish country, so trying to reach it and actually enjoying our time there in the middle of a blizzard probably wasn’t very realistic. So, scratch New Hope this trip.

30. BETHLEHEM

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

12/30/2009

A friend of mine from high school was originally from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania – that’s all I knew about it before our visit. The self-proclaimed “Christmas City, USA” was founded by a group of Moravians in the early 19th-century, and is part of the “folksy towns” category that Schultz is good at picking out.

Our first stop was the Moravian Book Shop, which Patricia Schultz told us is the oldest bookstore in North America. How could we resist that? Have I mentioned that I have catalogued our books in a database and assigned them all Library of Congress call numbers? Yeah. I like books. Anyway, the outside has that old town look, but the inside is very modern. Not that that’s a bad thing in and of itself, but I guess I had hoped there would be something distinctive about the store. However, it was like every modern bookstore I’ve ever been to. I’m sure that’s how it’s stayed in business so long, I guess. Got to keep up with the times.

After the bookstore, we strolled up and down the streets a little bit, peeking in store windows. We did stop by the visitor’s center which had a little museum attached to it, celebrating the history of the town and its beer-brewing history. Wow. Apparently, Pennsylvania loves its beer.

For dinner we decided to go to a locally-owned restaurant. Usually, the book suggests a place to eat, but there isn’t a suggestion for Bethlehem, so it was up to us. At this point, I should provide some free advertising for a website Laura and I love called restaurant.com. Just type in your zip code and you will be provided with various local restaurants and options to buy gift certificates at significant discounts. Before we went on our trip I used the site to buy a $25 gift certificate for only $2 for a place called the Belmont Inne. It was a really nice meal in a converted 19th-century hotel, and thanks to using the certificate from restaurant.com, not very expensive at all. It’s always fun eating in a place with some history. Laura says it reminded her of the Story Inn, except the food was good!

We didn’t spend the night in Bethlehem, but in a Super 8 in nearby Allentown. This Super 8 was miles above the one in Etters. The man at reception was very nice and seemed quite proud of his establishment, informing us he had booked us his best room. It wasn’t the Hilton, of course, but the pride the proprietors took in running this place was apparent.

29. D.G. YUENGLING & SONS

Pottsville, Pennsylvania

12/30/2009

I proceeded to sing the Hershey’s Chocolate World song all the way to Pottsville – home of D.G. Yuengling & Sons, America’s oldest brewery. Neither Laura nor I drink at all, so this place wasn’t high on our personal lists, but where Patricia Schultz commands, we go.

The brewery conducts a free tour every day at 10:00 and 1:30. A huge group had arrived just as we did, so the guides were a little overwhelmed. The tour brought us down into the beer cave, where Daniel proceeded to throw up. Apparently, he doesn’t like beer either. Laura left the tour and cleaned him up, while I continued on with the tour – which was probably for the best. The tour brings you up and down steps and even out into the street up a steep incline. Not exactly pregnant lady approved. I personally didn’t mind – after all, the facility is 180 years old. The highlight of the tour is watching the bottles stream along conveyor belts, fill up with beer and then drop into boxes for shipping. The tour guide made the obligatory “Laverne and Shirley” reference, but it really did look like that.

The end of the tour leads into a bar – at which point Laura had rejoined us – and everyone was given a free sample. We asked for ginger beer. The lady laughed. Yeah… Who would go to a brewery if they didn’t drink alcohol? Us, I guess.

This place held little interest for us, but that’s a personal taste issue. Most of the people there (primarily manly men) were salivating at the very prospect of being there. (One guy saw Daniel and said, “Wow! What a lucky kid. His first brewery tour!”) Nevertheless, like football, “crackin’ open a brewskie” is an undeniable side of American culture. And there’s something to be said for the Yuengling family for not selling out to the big national chains, despite decades of tempting offers.

28. HERSHEY

Hershey, Pennsylvania

12/30/2009

After we had seen the lights, we drove a weary four hours to the town of Etters, Pennsylvania, so we could start early and already be where we needed to be. We stayed at a Super 8. As you know, we try to really save on sleep accommodations, but this one was pretty bad. The bed was very uncomfortable and the heat didn’t really work. The room was so drafty I felt like I had been camping, rather than staying in a motel. At the “continental breakfast” I encountered the first cup of coffee I couldn’t stomach – and I’ll drink anything! Also, I was aware that Super 8 and a bunch of other low-cost hotels and motels (or “the cheap ones” as my wife calls them) are part of one of those free reward programs. You know the kind, for every dollar you spend you get such-and-such points for a free night’s stay. You’re supposed to be able to enroll at the motel itself, but when I inquired the receptionist at the front desk handed me a pamphlet and said I should probably call some 1-800 number. Thanks for the help, lady.

Never mind that. We didn’t come all this way to stay in a cheap motel – we came for the chocolate! About a half hour from the illustrious Super 8 is Hershey, Pennsylvania, birthplace of the Hershey chocolate bar. We couldn’t help but smile at the streetlamps all shaped like Hershey’s kisses as we drove through the town on our way to Hershey’s Chocolate World.

Hershey’s Chocolate World is basically a giant store, frankly. But for some reason, there is something just really hypnotic about what seems like acres and acres of chocolate bars for as far as the eye can see. It’s free to enter, as is a trip on the “Hershey’s Chocolate Tour” – a really hyper ride where you sit in a little bumper car that moves you through a simulation of the chocolate making process. All the while giant cow puppets are singing “HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE!!! HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE!!! HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE WORLD!!!” over and over again until the song is forever burned in your unconscious. What kind of drugs did they put in those Reese’s peanut butter cups when they built this thing? At first, Daniel didn’t know what to make of it (nor does the rest of mankind), but when he saw his mommy and I were smiling, he clearly perked up. It was the first time he had really smiled a good smile in a couple of days, so we were glad he was enjoying himself.

Just one more minor oddity about the “Chocolate Tour”: You can’t take strollers on the ride, which is fine and perfectly understandable. However, at the entrance they had a woman standing there who seemed utterly exasperated every time a stroller approached her. Since the ride is free, no tickets are required, and anyone can freely walk up the ramp where other employees help people into the cars, it was obvious this woman’s job was, in fact, to tell people about the stroller policy. That was why they had put her where she was in the first place. Now, I understand that after ten years of telling hundreds of people a day “No strollers” might make anyone a little bonkers, it was slightly off-putting.

It might sound like I’m making fun of Hershey’s Chocolate World, but I’m really not. Is it a bizarre place? Yes. But that’s what made it fun. I should mention that within the complex are some other rides and exhibits (like a chocolate tasting demonstration and some sort of 3-D show) but they all cost money, which we decided not to spend.

One last thing: in one corner of the place they have a little assembly line set up where kids can pretend to work in the Hershey factory. They have to move really fast and even clock in and out in a toy punch-clock. Man, this place is weird.

27. OGLEBAY WINTER FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS

Wheeling, West Virginia

12/29/2009

When we started our journey through Patricia Schultz’ book we quickly realized what our biggest challenge would be – about 50 of her places aren’t really places, but events. In other words, we’d have to be in a certain city in a certain month – often times a specific day. With that in mind, we took advantage of my Christmas break to try and hit two of these events. The first was the Oglebay Winter Festival of Lights (which, obviously, only happens in the winter) and the second was Philadelphia’s Mummers Parade, an annual New Year’s Day event.

In order to hit a few other places on our trip we decided to start out three days earlier to make it in time to Philadelphia for the parade. However, we almost canceled the trip at the last minute. Two days after Christmas Laura got very sick and then the day before we were going to leave Daniel did too. By the 29th Laura was feeling better, but we were worried about Daniel, so we took him to the doctor. She gave him a thorough work-down and told us he would be fine and that he probably had the same stomach bug that had attacked his mother. She assured us he would probably be right as rain by tomorrow morning. Laura and I talked seriously about cancelling the trip anyway, but with the doctor’s assurances we started on our journey. Both Laura and I were glad we had taken Daniel to the doctor though, just for our peace of mind. We’d gladly never go on another trip again if it meant keeping him safe.

We timed our trip to Wheeling so we would arrive around 6:00 pm, so it would already be nice and dark for the lights. Basically, the Winter Festival of Lights is a six-mile driving circuit around the Oglebay Resort – which we discovered is actually the largest publically-owned facility of its kind in the nation. (In other words, it’s not a country club. It’s more like a really fancy public park.) The drive-through is free, although they do ask for a donation. Can’t blame them for that. Laura and I enjoyed the many moving displays. We were excited about how Daniel would react, but he seemed nonplussed. He was still a little under the weather, plus, since the whole thing is experienced in a car I don’t think he could really see that well from his car seat.

To be honest, you’ve probably seen better individual displays on people’s houses – we’ve all seen those “Seriously, how high is your electric bill?” monsters. But in terms of scale, this is miles and miles of different displays you’re not going to find anywhere else. We stopped in the visitor’s center and there were a lot of kids of varying ages all talking about how great they thought it was and discussing which display they thought was the best. (My favorite was the dinosaurs and Laura’s was the rocking horse, by the way.) No doubt, this place should hit anyone's “wholesome family fun” buttons.

26. NATIONAL MUSEUM OF THE U.S. AIR FORCE

Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Ohio

12/23/2009

Taking advantage of my Christmas break, we made a daytrip to the National Museum of the U.S. Air Force, just outside of Dayton – less than an hour and a half from Columbus.

Anyone with any interest in the history of aircraft will be in heaven here. The museum is huge – it would have to be, since it’s crammed with airplanes. The museum is laid out chronologically – from the earliest experiments of the Wright Brothers, to experimental planes of today. Maybe it’s the history teacher in me, but I liked how the museum was laid out. Sometimes these giant museums can be kind of overwhelming (The Henry Ford comes to mind, and the Detroit Institute of the Arts), so the chronological organization gave the whole experience a comfortable flow. It took us about three hours to move through the museum, and we looked at everything. Even Daniel seemed fascinated by the varied colors, shapes and sizes.

For several years I worked at the University of Akron Archival Services working on a special collection dedicated to the B-26 Marauder – which was a World War II-era bomber plane. Wright-Patterson contains one of the handful left in existence, so I made sure I got my picture with her.

When we left the museum we stopped by the Aviation Heritage Center, which has its own sharp little museum dedicated to the Wright Brothers and the poet Paul Dunbar. One of the guides at the Heritage Center took us across the street to one of the Wright Brothers’ bicycle shops (apparently, the only one of five still in existence). Kind of neat to be able to say, “We were at Orville and Wilbur’s place.”

Something I must mention about this trip – everything was absolutely free. Both the Air Force museum and the Aviation Center have free admission everyday. Both of these sites could easily charge up the nose for what they have to offer. I feel that the Air Force museum is one of the best places we’ve visited and it didn’t cost us a penny. What more can I say? Go there!

25. OHIO'S AMISH COUNTRY

Holmes County, Ohio

11/28/2009

By making a slight detour on our trip up to my parents’ for Thanksgiving we were able to skip the highway and instead travel on the Patricia Schultz-approved Amish Country byway. (Every time we would pass a sign labeled “Ohio Scenic Byway” I would yell “Byway!” Again, I was nearly murdered by my wife.) This is a beautiful stretch of Ohio, especially this time of year. On our trip we passed by many farms – we even chanced upon an Amish family working in a field by hand. There were more buggies than automobiles on the road and most of the little towns were truly the “blink or you’ll miss it” variety. Very idyllic.

We did stop a few times to see the “big cities” of Amish country. The first was Millersburg, which reminded Laura and me of the other small towns we’ve visited on our trips. Millersburg is definitely “English” (as the Amish refer to all non-Amish), but a nice place. We stopped into the visitor’s center which doubles as a glass art museum. The man working there was very helpful and seemed extremely knowledgeable of the area. He explained that all of Holmes County is on an Ohio Scenic Byway. “I know!” I exclaimed. Laura was embarrassed.

We continued our journey, mostly under the recommendation of glass museum guy, to the city of Berlin – which for some reason is pronounced with the emphasis on the first syllable. Berlin is supposed to be the heart of Amish country, well-known for being a center of Amish commerce. However, our experience with Shipshewana prepared us for the worst - shops and shops crammed with 50% off Halloween decorations and “laser-engraved while you wait” doormats. The place was overrun with rabid middle-aged women, practically pushing each other over to grab another Thomas Kincaid print. Amidst the chaos we did see one Amish woman and her two children, shivering in the autumn cold, trying to sell little bead necklaces on the street. But like Shipshewana, it seems like Berlin has become so famous for the Amish that tourists like us have encouraged them to leave. They are called “separatists” for a reason.

About a mile north of Berlin is Heini’s Cheese Barn, where 36 types of cheeses are produced using Amish milk. This place was packed. When we got there a huge line had formed to get free samples. We assumed that the line had just formed and decided to wait until it died down. But the line kept growing as more and more people came and went. We stood in line for about half an hour to get to the samples – but then we understood why people would come from all over just for a taste. The cheeses were excellent. Laura is pregnant again, so she had to be choosy in what cheeses she could safely try, but I had no such compunction. I tried them all! Daniel is too young for dairy products – so we couldn’t let him try anything – but he seemed very excited about what was going on and kept trying to reach out to cheese wheels as we moved along. It’s fun to watch him become more aware of the world around him – it’s going to make these trips so much more worthwhile for us.

Our recommendation: Remember that the Amish are people, not zoo exhibits. Travelling along the byway was very nice – we could keep our distance and maintain their privacy, while still catching a glimpse of a unique culture.

24. PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME

Canton, Ohio

10/11/2009

When I lived in the Akron area I used to pass by this building at least once a week – sometimes more. Laura and I are not fans of football at all, so this was one of the places that was far down on our personal lists of things to see. Nonetheless, we were coming into Akron for my nephew and niece’s birthday party, so we decided to stop by here on the way and knock it off the list.

Like I said, Laura and I know nothing about football, so I am sure if you are a football fan this place would mean a lot more to you. Nonetheless, it’s a pretty neat museum. The bulk of the exhibits lead you through a chronological history of the game – so even the non-football loving history geek in me liked looking at the 19th century uniforms and helmets and comparing them to today. There is a nice section about the history of the Super Bowl – much of which is probably common knowledge to even the most basic football fan, but the whole NFL-AFL rivalry was news to us.

Frankly, you’re either a football fan or you’re not. If you are, you’re going to love this place without question. As a non-fan, I thought the museum did present a good feeling of the passion people have for this game. (In fact, one of the exhibits declared, “Baseball is America’s pastime, but football is America’s passion.”) If you’re going to “explore America”, how can you do that and ignore the cultural phenomenon that is football? America is more than Grand Canyons and Statues of Liberty. Love it or hate it, “football culture” is a big part of the American landscape. At the very least, this museum helped me appreciate that a little more. So, all in all, it was a worthwhile experience.

(One word of warning: this place is very expensive for what it is. Adult tickets are $18 each. I planned ahead and got tickets way cheaper on eBay. As obsessive as I am about this project, I don’t know if I could have justified dropping $36 to go to a football museum. Consider that the Henry Ford – which consists of literally acres of exhibits – costs $15. If you’re into football, maybe you can justify the price. If you’re not, I’d say its still worth seeing, but find a cheaper way.)

23. OLD LOUISVILLE

Louisville, Kentucky

9/25/2009

Old Louisville prides itself on being the third-largest historic district in the United States. In our previous trips I’ve made sure I’ve done my research on these “wander through old neighborhoods looking at houses” destinations so we knew what highlights to search for, but since this trip was such a last-minute thing, we set my beloved GPS to send us to the Old Louisville visitor center and hoped they would send us in the right direction. The ladies working there were very friendly, but not particularly helpful. They gave us a map of the historic district, which is a very slick looking document, but only provides a tourist with street names. It was useless to us since it provided no information on any of the historic buildings or even where they were located. To compare, when we visited Madison, Indiana we were provided with a map that marked the locations of significant buildings and some information on their history.

This is not to say that historic Louisville was a bust. It is a beautiful town, and while exploring we did see many beautiful old homes of various architectural styles. (It seems many of them have been transformed into student housing.) Still, I would have liked to have been able to know exactly what we were looking at.

It was quite muggy that evening, and after wandering around for awhile in search of someplace to get a drink (again, our useless map not much help) we came upon a place called the Third Avenue Café. I had forgotten that this place was specifically mentioned in Schultz’ book as a highlight of Old Louisville – it was only a coincidence that we happened to go inside. A waitress tried to give us some menus, but we explained that we only wanted to get something to drink. She seemed annoyed and when we approached the bar area she and two other employees all tried to get each other to serve us. Supposedly, it’s a coffee shop, but when one of the employees finally decided to be the one to help us, he had difficulty making our iced mochas. After about ten minutes, we finally got our very watery drinks.

22. LOUISVILLE SLUGGER MUSEUM AND FACTORY

Louisville, Kentucky

9/25/2009

Neither Laura and I are baseball fans, but visiting the place where all major league baseball bats are produced (or so said our tour guide) is visiting an inescapable center of an important part of Americana. This is a neat little place. There is a small museum with examples of baseball bats used by some of the great players, but the majority of the experience comes through touring the working factory. And that’s exactly what it is. You walk through the factory floor watching workers operate the machines that produce the baseball bats. It was interesting, but I found it slightly voyeuristic. For example, we watched as an assembly line worker placed baseball bats on a conveyer belt which were shot through a machine, at which point he went and collected them at the other side. Repeat. This is this man’s job – and for eight hours a day tourists like us walk by and stare at him like he’s a zoo exhibit. Everyone working there seemed very cheerful, but no doubt they’re expected to be. Don’t get me wrong. It was fascinating to see how baseball bats are made (I never thought about what an art form it really is), but I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to actually work there.

21. LOUISVILLE CUISINE

Louisville, Kentucky

9/25/2009

Discovering that my school would be closed on the last Friday of September, Laura and I decided to take advantage of the holiday to take a quick daytrip to Pittsburgh (a three-hour drive) and knock off a few places on the list. Luckily, the night before we were about to leave I checked to make sure everything would still be open – only to discover that due to the G20 summit being held in Pittsburgh that day, practically the whole city was being shut down. Undeterred, but with very little time to plan, we switched destination to Louisville – still three-hours away, but just in a different direction.

Patricia Schultz raves about Louisville cuisine, so we made that somewhat the focus of the trip. In particular, she talks about something called a “Hot Brown” – which neither of us had heard of, but is supposedly a Louisville specialty. Invented at the Brown Hotel (hence the name), we made the acquisition of one our first goal. I sang “Hot Brown” to the tune of “My Girl” all the way there. Laura was happy when the drive was over.

Let me just say that the Brown Hotel is so fancy I was afraid they were going to kick us out for being too poor. Like somehow they could tell. Apparently, there’s a dress code for dinner at the main restaurant. Lunch is a little more casual, thankfully. We ate in the J. Graham Café – the hotel’s lunch restaurant and birthplace of the Hot Brown. I had the Hot Brown, while Laura took advantage of the lunch buffet they were having. The food was extremely excellent. The Hot Brown is basically an open-faced turkey sandwich, but that description doesn’t really make it sound very good. Trust me. It’s a memorable meal. Absolutely deserving of its reputation.

The service was really good, although we did have one slight complaint. It seemed most of the wait staff were French, and although they were very polite to the customers while speaking English, they fought very loudly amongst themselves in their native language. It seems as though because they realized that none of us could understand what they were saying, they had become oblivious to the fact that we could still HEAR them.

After visiting the Slugger Museum and Old Louisville, we ended our trip at the “say it like it is”-named Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen. This place was on the opposite end of fancy compared to the Brown Hotel, but the food was just as delicious – just in a different way. For $5 we got a half-sandwich, a salad and a piece of their world-famous homemade pie. Consider that a grade-d meal at McDonald’s will cost you more than that. I had derby pie and Laura had chess pie – for the authentic Kentucky experience, of course. Laura doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but she wanted another piece. That’s high praise from her.

20. NASHVILLE AND STORY, INDIANA

Nashville and Story, Indiana

8/25/2009

Although we didn’t make it to Indianapolis, I was going to be darned if we didn’t make it to the Story Inn. We had been defeated before, but not this time. It is a good thing we skipped Indianapolis, because we hit some more major construction and we didn’t even get to the Nashville area until 6:00. This was bad, because we had dinner reservations for 6:30. Again, we couldn’t find the Story Inn. The GPS took us to an empty corn field. We eventually located a human being (they’re hard to find out here, which is kind of cool, unless you need one) who pointed us in the right direction. We did make it to the Story Inn at just about 6:30.

Our first impression of the façade was, “Wow. Looks a little run-down.” But good ol’ Patricia hasn’t let us down yet – until now. The Story Inn has a reputation as an exquisite gourmet restaurant – run by the only three residents of the town of Story. I’m sorry to say, the meal was not only far from gourmet, but it was actually bad. I had a gazpacho soup that was made from the vegetables they grew in their garden. Doesn’t that sound great? Well, it wasn’t. It was so overloaded with spices, I couldn’t taste the vegetables. I love spicy food, but this was too much. I saw a lady send it back, so it wasn’t just me. Laura ordered shrimp, which had the same spices. I ordered salmon, which didn’t have the spices thankfully, but tasted like something you’d get at Applebee’s. In regards to pricing, I read between the lines, but it is not clear that they charge you for soup and salad. When the waitress took our order, she offered us a choice between the two, insinuating it came with the meal. Laura was given a small plate with some spinach on it and I was given a bill for $9. All told, the whole affair cost $94. You might say, “Oh, Oliver, you just ordered the wrong thing.” Well, there are only five items on the menu – so there’s not exactly a wide selection. One final gripe was the service. Despite the fact that the food was thermonuclear our waitress never once refilled our water. Not once. I’m not trying to be a snob, but you’d expect a waitress to check on your water at Bob Evans. If you’re expected to drop $100 on a meal, I don’t think it’s unfair to expect a little service.

The bottom line: Stay away.

Not the best way to end our trip, but all in all our stops through Michigan and Indiana were wonderful experiences. And we’re proud to say we have now accomplished 2% of our complete journey. Ok... That probably doesn’t sound like much, but we’ll get there…

FAILED ATTEMPT – INDIANAPOLIS 500

Indianapolis, Indiana

8/25/2009

Just like last trip, there was one place where we didn’t make it. Stopping at the Menno-Hof museum really threw us off schedule. We calculated that by the time we would actually reach the Indianapolis Motor Speedway it would be after 4:00. Since they close at 5:00 it would be pushing things too much. Also, I’m sure driving into Indianapolis during rush hour is a real treat. It was probably for the best, since I think technically Schultz recommends going to the speedway during the actual Indy 500. So we’ll see if we can make that happen one of these days.

19. YODER POPCORN SHOPPE

Topeka, Indiana

8/25/2009

About ten minutes from Shipshewana is Topeka, Indiana and the Yoder Popcorn Shoppe. Its a little shop in the middle of acres of corn used to produce their popcorn. Sorry... I just don't get it. Look at the monkey. Move on.

18. SHIPSHEWANA, INDIANA

Shipshewana, Indiana

8/24/2009

Leaving the dunes behind you headed towards the Amish town of Shipshewana. Since we had no formal dinner plans and we wouldn’t arrive in Shipshewana before around 10 o’clock we decided to just look for the first oddly-named restaurant off of the highway. Sure enough, we came upon a place called “Honkers.” Sounded odd enough. Turns out it’s a chain, but we don’t have them in Ohio (at least, not near us) so we didn’t know that.

After filling our bellies we continued on our journey and our search for the Amish Log Cabin Lodging and Campground, where we were going to stay the night. Wow. Is that place hard to find? I suppose it should go without saying that there isn’t a lot of lighting in Amish country, so we couldn’t read the road signs. Even the GPS was failing us… my precious, precious GPS. Don’t worry. I continued to defend its honor despite the situation. We eventually stopped at a gas station that had just closed. I tried to get the guy’s attention inside. I got it, but, boy, was he mad. There was no way he was going to open the door for some weird guy like me. After much searching we found the campground’s southern location. That would have been great, except we were looking for their northern location. No clear indication where that was though. Eventually, by sheer luck we found the campground. Luckily, I had already informed the front office that we wouldn’t be arriving until after hours, so our key had been left outside in an envelope.

By now, it was nearly midnight, but at least we finally made it to our cabin. I say cabin, but it was essentially a hotel room, with a shower, maid service and the whole lot. They do offer more rustic cabins, but we chose the city slickers route. The first thing we did when we got there was give Daniel a bath. He enjoyed the sand, but not in his diaper. Finally, we got to get to bed and got some sleep.

The next morning we had a pretty good breakfast (provided) in the campground’s front office, before heading to the Shipshewana Flea Market. Laura was particularly excited about this part of the trip. We had read that this was a rallying point for Amish to trade and bid on their wares. Perhaps it once was. What we saw was a tourist trap of the worst kind. Vendors hawking Obama hats. Vanity license plates. We searched all over for some Amish goods, but we couldn’t find any. There were some Amish and Mennonites selling produce, so we picked up some of that. But the Amish were clearly marginalized. What happened here?

Disappointed in the flea market, we decided to visit the Menno-Hof Amish and Mennonite Museum that we read about in a brochure at the campground. This wasn’t a part of our original agenda, but we were so disgusted by the flea market we wanted to make something of our Shipshewana visit.

The museum was interesting. It went almost overboard on multi-media – perhaps to buck some Mennonite stereotypes, I don’t know. An old man was particularly proud of “The Tornado Room.” You sit in this dark room and then this TV comes on showing grainy, black and white footage of tornadoes. You think, “Ok. Time for a nap.” Suddenly, jets of cold air are shot in your face, artificial lightning starts flashing, loud noises are crashing, and the room actually starts to vibrate. Yeah. Daniel was not happy. We got out of there quickly and the old man seemed very disappointed. He told us that kids usually love it. Sure. Maybe six-year olds. Three-month olds - not so much.

17. INDIANA DUNES NATIONAL LAKESHORE

Indiana

8/24/2009

When one thinks “lush and beautiful seaside” I don’t think most think of Lake Michigan – at least I didn’t. However, the Indiana Dunes which run along the coast is absolutely gorgeous. Did you know that Lake Michigan is larger than the state of Indiana? I didn’t. I read it on a sign while we were there. We laid Daniel down in the sand and he got pretty excited. We dabbled his feet in the water. He didn’t like that!

We decided to climb Mt. Baldy – which is the most famous of the dunes. It’s hardly a mountain, but have you ever tried to climb a hill of sand? It’s not easy! The view at the summit is really beautiful. You would think you were at the ocean. Try not to look at the giant smokestack belching smoke though. It kind of spoils the ambience a little. But just a little.

16. THE DUTCH COMMUNITY OF HOLLAND

Holland, Michigan

8/24/2009

Holland, Michigan is a fascinating little cultural enigma – founded by Dutch immigrants the population (until recently) has always been around 90% people of Dutch descent. We spent most of the day exploring this town and tried to hit three of its cultural highlights.

First of all, we visited what I supposed would be classified as a theme park – The Dutch Village. It’s a recreation of a 16th-century Dutch village, complete with costumed “peasants” walking about. We expected this place to be really cheesy, but it was actually a genuine celebration of the cultural heritage of the people of the town. You can basically just wander about, although they do have scheduled events, such as demonstrations of how wooden shoes are made and such. One of these demonstrations is candle making. I might have to turn in my “guy” membership card for saying this about candles, but these ladies rock. You have to see it to believe it. (Actually, apparently you can, since they were featured on the show “How It’s Made.”) All in all, the Dutch Village is a great family place, with plenty of stuff for kids. They also have stores and stores of delft pottery (that’s that white and blue pottery, don’t you know?) that could bring a grandma to tears.

After we left the Dutch Village we traveled over to the Veldheer Tulip Gardens and DeKlomp Factory – which is basically a complex of shops that sells tulips (Laura picked up a few), wooden shoes and more of that delft pottery. Actually, the Veldheer people are the only manufacturer of delft in the United States. Unfortunately for them the city was doing construction on the road right at their entrance, so it was very difficult to find a back way in. We overheard the workers complaining about that. It may have explained why they didn’t charge us admission, since apparently they usually do. According to Schultz, in May the tulips are in bloom in the garden out back, which I’m sure is breathtaking, but this late in the summer there wasn’t much out there – so I’m glad they didn’t charge us. Oh, by the way, they also have buffalo wandering about. Why? I don’t know. It’s a weird place.

Finally, we visited a park called Windmill Island – so named because there’s an island with a windmill on it. Clever, huh? Anyway, they charge admission and I was a little annoyed because apparently you can get a discount if you visit the Dutch Village and Windmill Island, but they wouldn’t give it to us because we had to buy the ticket at the Dutch Village. Nobody mentioned that to us there. Why they couldn’t give us the discount at Windmill Island is beyond me, but I’m sure there is some complex bureaucratic reason behind it. Laura thinks I am turning into a real dad – trying to get discounts on everything, salivating at the mouth if I can save a dollar. Maybe she’s right.

Actually, Windmill Island is pretty cool. They have a couple of little exhibits there and we have to admit, at this point we were thinking to ourselves, “If I have to see one more piece of white and blue pottery…” They have a Dutch carousel there and we took Daniel on it. Don’t worry. We didn’t put him on a horse. We sat with him on a little wagon. We could tell he didn’t know what to make of it, but he seemed to enjoy himself.

It looked like the entire fire department was there that day. We were afraid something had happened to someone, but it soon became clear that they were just testing their equipment. You ever see firemen testing their equipment? It’s like Christmas Day. They’re all giddy with excitement, firing off the water hose and patting each other on the back. To tell you the truth, it does look like fun.

Anyway, I took a tour of the windmill. Laura stayed below with Daniel because heights and Laura don’t mix. The windmill is worth a look though. It’s the only authentic Dutch windmill in the United States. It was a gift from the Dutch government. You can’t get one anymore, because now they’re all national landmarks in the Netherlands – so if you want to see one, come to Holland. The tour guide was a very knowledgeable college-girl. I get the impression that every high school and college kid in town is forced to work all this Dutch stuff every summer. It’s cool for us tourists, but I’m sure it gets real old for them! But, like I said, our guide was really great – she even took it in stride when some guy interrupted her to tell a story about how he once accidentally swallowed a bee. Great story, dude.

15. MARSHALL, MICHIGAN

Marshall, Michigan

8/23/2009

Our next stop was the town of Marshall, Michigan – almost every building in town is on the historic registry. We ate dinner at Schultz-approved Schuler’s. The food and service were excellent – and it was reasonably priced. Save room for the grasshopper pie.

We spent the evening doing a self-guided walking tour of the various historic buildings in town. What’s kind of weird is that people live in some of them, so I wonder if they get sick of people walking up and taking pictures of their house while they’re sitting on the porch. The town has two big attractions – The Honolulu House (built in a Hawaiian theme due to its statesman owner’s love of his former assignment there) and a fountain in the middle of town. In the evenings, the fountain is lit up with ever-changing colors. Daniel was mystified by it, so we carried him around it for awhile. I’m glad we found something for him to enjoy.

That night we stayed at the National House Inn – the oldest inn in Michigan. It is a really great bed and breakfast that retains a lot of its 1835 origins. On Sunday nights they have a special where every room is the same price, regardless of the size, so we took the biggest room they had. It had a separate sitting room area where we put Daniel. When we woke up the next morning, I found him under the couch! Somehow he had learned to scoot himself along on his backside. Plus, he was 180 degrees from the direction we had placed him in. He was quite proud of himself. When I found him, he had a big grin on his face. From now on, we’re going to have to tie him down!

The breakfast was very nice – if a little disorganized (everyone was trying to use the one waffle maker at once, for example) – but that was all part of the charm. It was just two ladies trying to do everything in a tiny kitchen. That is part of the fun of bed and breakfasts, we discovered. It’s more like you’re staying in someone’s house than in a formal hotel. But everything was still really top-notch. We’d love to go back there again.

14. HOLOCAUST MEMORIAL CENTER

Farmington Hills, Michigan

8/23/2009

After the Fair Lane Mansion tour, we found ourselves in a bit of a time crunch for the event that I had planned the whole trip around: a visit to the Holocaust Memorial Center to see a Holocaust survivor share her experiences. Unfortunately, there was some major construction being done on the highways, large chunks of which were shut down. Luckily we had the GPS or we never would have figured out an alternate route, but even so we wound up being over a half-hour late. Luckily, we weren’t the only people to face this problem, so the events of the day had been delayed and we arrived just as the tour was starting.

This museum is very impressive, however, because of the delay the tour guide had to rush things to get back on schedule so it turned into a “Look at the monkey. Move on” situation, where we wished we could have explored a little bit. In all honesty, I wouldn’t recommend the formal tour – in fact, we broke away from the guide a couple of times to look at the exhibits ourselves. Our tour guide seemed like a nice man, and he was a retired surgeon – we know that because he nonchalantly mentioned it every couple of minutes.

Although the tour was rushed, the meeting with the Holocaust survivor was well worth the trip. Although the Motown Museum was the most fun we had on our trip, meeting this lady was definitely the most worthwhile. Her name was Mania Salinger, a Polish native who had spent 1939-1945 in various concentration camps, including Auschwitz. Wow. That’s the entire war. It was an eye-opening experience. After she spoke to the group we bought a copy of her book which she autographed for us. Laura and I talked to her for a little bit and she even gave me her email address if I wanted her to come visit my classroom. A beautiful woman.

These are the kinds of experiences that are making these trips worthwhile. This is something Laura and I started to think about when we visited Columbus, Indiana where it was apparent that many of the buildings were disappearing, and even our two-hour search for Cincinnati chili. You kind of assume that things like this will always be there, but they may not be. Time marches on. By the time Daniel gets to be my age, people like Mania Salinger will be all gone. Don’t wait, folks. A Holocaust survivor speaks every Sunday at this museum. Go listen to what they have to say.

13. AUTOMAKERS' MANSIONS

Detroit and Environs, Michigan

8/23/2009

After a really fun and busy day (we also visited the Detroit Science Center) we went to an evening Mass at St. Stephen and Mary Mother of the Church. By the end of the service it was 8:00 and we were starving. We had planned to eat at a place called Harry’s, but while driving there we passed by a Little Caesar’s Pizza and couldn’t resist. We recently moved from Newark, Ohio to Columbus – and away from a Little Caesar’s and the best pizza we had ever had. As soon as we moved to our new place we found a Little Caesar’s, but it was terrible. Whoever owns the Newark Little Caesar’s is a god among pizza men. We wondered if the Detroit Little Caesar’s would be as good. It wasn’t. However, we also ate there because we knew we were going to eat at some nice (read: expensive) places a couple of nights, so we thought it best to not waste money on food the other nights. While we were waiting for our pizza, some guy came up to us and started playing with Daniel’s toes. Um… Please don’t do that, scary Detroit guy.

We spent the night at the Allen Park Best Western Greenfield Inn. It was very nice and not very expensive at all. (As an aside, our room had a TV in the bathroom. How much time do people spend in the bathroom that they need entertainment in there?) They gave us breakfast, and this time – as opposed to the Days Inn – it was actually breakfast. It was good. Laura and I had to take turns eating because Daniel was particularly fussy and needed comforting. We try to keep him in a routine and obviously the trip was throwing him for a loop. Poor little guy.

Our first stop on Sunday morning was Fair Lane Mansion, the estate of Henry Ford. While merging into a highway entrance ramp the car in front of us suddenly stopped and we saw a little black kitten skirting around on the road. I got out and tried to help the lady recover the kitty which had hidden itself under her car. We tried to reach in and grab him, but then he jumped up into the underside of the engine! She turned the engine off and we were able to pull him out. It was then that I noticed the lady’s Pet Smart uniform. If there was anybody who could help this cat, it was her! Disaster averted, we continued on our way.

We got to Fair Lane in time to join a guided tour given by a very stern woman who kept warning people not to lag behind so we could keep on schedule. Some people did try to dawdle to take pictures, but she’d snap at them to keep moving. It was actually pretty funny. We enjoyed the tour, but it is your standard “walking through a rich guy’s house being told stories about the furniture” place, so you either like that kind of thing or you don’t.

The end of the tour drops you off at the gift shop (how convenient) but this day there was no one there to man it. This created a lot of consternation in the staff, who were running around attempting to find whoever was supposed to be there. While we were waiting, we needed to change Daniel. The public restroom facilities are actually a part of the house, so I changed Daniel on the carpet in one of Ford’s rooms. Anyone who’s had a baby knows that sometimes unexpected things can happen while trying to change a diaper. I had visions of Daniel urinating on one of Henry Ford’s rugs. Now, how many people can say they did THAT? Luckily, no such incident occurred.

12. MOTOWN MUSEUM

Detroit, Michigan

8/22/2009

Honestly, Laura and I didn’t expect to enjoy the Motown Museum – neither of us are huge fans of the music – but it was one of the most fun places we’ve been to in our lives. We were extremely impressed. The amazing thing is the whole museum is literally only three rooms. Nonetheless, the hour tour was a blast. What really made the experience fun were the tour guides, who clearly weren’t faking it. They loved Motown and they loved sharing it with people. During the second half of the tour, one of the guides took us down to the recording studio where he messed with people (including Laura, to my amusement) and had us all singing “My Girl.” So now we can say we sang in the Motown recording studio. How many people can say that?

11. DETROIT INSTITUTE OF THE ARTS

Detroit, Michigan

8/22/2009

The Detroit Institute of the Arts is big. Very big. Maybe too big. It certainly has a huge collection of art from almost every genre you can imagine. The emphasis seemed to be on modern and contemporary art, however. Laura and I love art museums, so it’s hard to go wrong for us. Our only problem was that it was hard to navigate. They gave us a little map, but it wasn’t much help. It didn’t tell you where to find specific pieces. We wandered around a lot, searching for things we wanted to see, but couldn’t find. I don’t think it was just us. We overheard several people trying to find the ancient Egyptian art and having no luck. Laura is a big Egypt fan, so it was a bit frustrating. Apparently, the pride of the museum is Vincent Van Gogh’s self-portrait. There are banners of it in every room in the museum. I felt like we went through every room in the museum, but I never found it. They were really pumping up this Van Gogh – you think it would be easier to find.

One slightly odd thing about this museum is that they make you wear these tiny metal tags “somewhere visible on your body.” These darn things kept falling off. Eventually I just stuck them in my pocket. I think they were trying to think of something more unique than those hospital wrist-band things a lot of museums make you wear. They should probably leave the artistic expression to the artists.

10. THE CHARLES H. WRIGHT MUSEUM

Detroit, Michigan

8/22/2009

We arrived at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African-American History around 2:00pm. We were the only people there, which is a shame since it’s a pretty interesting museum. You move through the exhibits chronologically, starting with the rise of mankind in Africa all the way to black Americans in modern-day Detroit. I found the pre-European slavery exhibits the most interesting, as it is not a period in black history that I feel gets a lot of attention. What I mean is, the slavery era and the civil rights movement are both thoroughly covered in several museums (The Freedom Center and The Henry Ford to name just two we recently saw ourselves) so the pre-slavery element really made this museum more unique. The guide who introduced the exhibits to us before we entered described them as more of a history of mankind, rather than just black people. I think starting with the rise of mankind in Africa and then spreading out to form various ethnic groups actually really helped bring that point home. I’ve rarely seen a museum that’s trying to say, “See, we’re all alike after all” without appearing out of touch or naïve – the Charles H. Wright actually does it well. It did make me think.

Once you do reach the slavery era you pass through a recreation of a slave ship, complete with mannequin bodies crammed in to give you a perspective of the inhumanity of the conditions. As a history teacher, I’ve seen a lot of diagrams and read descriptions of these conditions, but the recreation helped really show me what it must have been like. This museum definitely sent off “teacher bells” in my mind – as in, I wish I could bring my students here.

It’s hard not to compare the Charles H. Wright Museum with the Underground Railroad Freedom Center. Both Laura and I agree that the Charles H. Wright is far superior – it covers some of the same ground as the Freedom Center, but much more. Also, the Charles H. Wright is far more interactive and less about display cases. As I mentioned above, when we were there we were the only visitors. Maybe it was the time of day. I don’t know. But I hope this great museum isn’t getting lost amidst the other, more famous attractions in Detroit.

9. DETROIT'S AUTO MUSEUMS

Detroit, Michigan

8/22/2009

It had been more than a month since our first trip and we had finally scraped together what we needed to embark on the second part. Our first stop was The Henry Ford – undoubtedly Detroit’s most famous auto museum. We got there right when it opened, but it was already teeming with people. At the ticket booth I asked if they gave a AAA discount. They don’t. I thought it there was anywhere in the world that would be connected with the American AUTOMOBILE Association, it would be the Henry Ford people, but I guess I was wrong. A woman next to us in line told the ticket man that we could use her discount (she must be a member of the museum, I assume). He asked if we really knew each other. Of course we didn’t. No discount. Seemed a little pedantic, but oh well.

This museum is massive. Laura called it “a guy’s dream come true.” Cars, airplanes, all kinds of gadgets, huge factory machinery, even full-sized steam locomotives. Probably the coolest exhibit is this “house of the future” prototype that was built in the late-1940s – a silver dome that obviously never took off. When we went, the special exhibit was of rock stars’ cars and guitars. Those were pretty interesting to see. I got my picture next to the ZZ Top “Eliminator” to show off to my Dad – a big fan.

This was a great museum and they have a lot of activities for kids too. I saw a lot of under-10 children having a lot of fun. Definitely worthy of its reputation. The only concern is the price. The museum itself is $15 a person. Housed within the complex are some other things that we wanted to see – like Greenfield Village and a Ford truck assembly line – but each of these things cost another $15 a person. To take advantage of the full experience you’re going to have to put down some serious cash.

8. MOUNTAIN STAGE

Charleston, West Virginia

8/9/2009

After the world’s greatest food we drove to the Clay Center where the Mountain Stage radio show was being recorded that night. Mountain Stage is apparently a very popular music program, although Laura and I had never heard of it until we read about it in the book. I did listen to a portion of the program in preparation for the trip.

The night we went featured Maia Sharp, Cracker, Other Lives, Hill Country Revue, and Marcia Ball. We were worried about bringing Daniel (just shy of three months) but we tried to take him anyway. The music was far too loud for him, so I spent a lot of the show just outside the auditorium. That was ok, since the show was being broadcast on televisions outside – plus the fact that I could easily hear the music through the auditorium doors. There was another couple who had brought a baby stuck outside most of the time too, so we didn’t feel like the only bad parents. That aside, Daniel actually seemed to enjoy himself in the lobby. He responds really well to music and he was very active and happy jiggling around in a place where the music was a little softer.

It probably goes without saying that the bands were all excellent musicians, but this is the first time we felt a little confused by Schultz’ selection. No doubt there are hundreds of different and exciting performances going on in every city all over the country every night. We couldn’t quite put our finger on what makes the Mountain Stage so special.

RETURN TRIP - MARIETTA, OHIO

Marietta, Ohio

8/9/2009

For our first anniversary we decided to make a return trip to Marietta. We didn’t stay this time. We were just passing through on the way to Charleston. Because it was Sunday, The Barking Dog was closed, so we wept bitter tears. However, The Tin Rabbit was open. The crotchety lady is still there. We bought a few things and she told me to go get some boxes in the back room. We found a rather large antique store called the Antique Mall of Marietta that we had somehow missed our first time here. It was housed in a large warehouse-type area, with many interesting collections. Before we went on our way we couldn’t leave without visiting Austyn’s. It’s still amazing. Wasabi mashed potatoes. How can you be so good?

RETURN TRIP - HOCKING HILLS

Logan, Ohio

7/18/2009

We enjoyed our visit to Hocking Hills so much that we decided to return there the following weekend and make a day of it. We decided to try our hands (well, feet, actually) at the strenuous Grandma Gatewood hike, which is a six-mile circuit around the most notable sites. Apparently, Grandma Gatewood walked this hike almost every year until she was 85. We’re embarrassed to say that at a third that age, we were sore for days!

At one point, we had to sit down on a bench to feed Daniel. A family of four passed by - a mom, a dad, a brother (around 10) and a sister (also around 10). For whatever reason the brother didn't want to continue, so he decided to sit down on the bench next to us. He didn't talk to us or even look at us, but he started screaming about the blizzard that was coming. He seemed pretty concerned about it. Luckily, we don't get a lot of blizzards in July.

FAILED ATTEMPT - NASHVILLE AND STORY, INDIANA

Nashville and Story, Indiana

7/11/2009

Ah, our first failure. I had done my research before taking the trip, but it didn’t serve us that well. Schultz writes about a side-of-the-road gas station called The Gnaw Bone Tenderloin – alleged to have legendary tenderloin sandwiches. Apparently, in the brief time since the book was published the Gnaw Bone is no more, but before we left on our trip I discovered that the chef and the grill had been relocated to the Salt Creek Golf Retreat. Hardly the same ambience, but we figured if it’s the same sandwich it should count, right? Well, we plotted a course for the golf course, but when we got to where the GPS said it should be, there was nothing. We drove around for awhile looking for it, but to no avail. Schultz also recommends the Story Inn, so we tried to find that as an alternative. But we just couldn’t find it. Eventually, time became an issue and in order to reach Indianapolis in time for the Jerry Seinfeld show, we had to give up the search. I vowed to return! Nashville, you will not defeat me!

7. COLUMBUS, INDIANA

Columbus, Indiana

7/11/2009

From Columbus, Ohio to Columbus, Indiana. Hey! They stole our name! Anyway, this town is lauded as having the sixth best architecture in the country. That might sound goofy, but consider the other cities are places like New York, Chicago, and so forth. Since there are just so many buildings to see, we decided to take a formal tour. A guide bussed us around to various prime examples of Columbus architecture, including their I.M. Pei designed library. The tour guide made it sound as though the First Christian Church was their crown jewel – one of the first contemporary church designs. It was interesting that most of the architecture was of that contemporary style. I guess that isn’t the style I imagine when I think great architecture. But I suppose that style has had an artistic impact. It was a different was of thinking. For the second half of the tour we drove away from the central part of town, while the guide pointed out buildings as we passed. The problem with this was, once we moved away from the downtown area we would pass through rundown streets of gas stations and McDonald’s before coming upon a notable building sticking up out of the bleakness. The tour guide explained that Columbus had no architecture regulations in order to preserve the town in any way, so the kind of buildup you would expect in any city was invading the special look the city may have had in the past. Honestly, the tour might have been better if it just focused on the central part of the city. I understand their enthusiasm for trying to show as much as possible, but maybe offering a one-hour tour as an alternative to the two-hour bus tour would be a good thing for them to think about. Laura and I were glad we visited this city now though. It seemed as though after almost every building we passed it the guide said something like, “Well, they just went out of business” or “This building has been for sale for a long time.” Many of these buildings are local banks, which have been ruined by the recent economy. I’m sure the library and the First Christian Church will be there for a long time, but if we returned in fifty years we wonder how many of these other buildings will still be there.

6. MADISON, INDIANA

Madison, Indiana

7/11/2009

After our hard-fought chili victory we returned to the Days Inn in Fort Wright, Kentucky – just outside of Cincinnati. When we walked in they had a sign that said, “No refunds after twenty minutes in room.” Sounded promising. The elevator didn’t work. Apparently there had been a fire and the fire department shut down the elevator for safety reasons. Fun. A ceiling tile was hanging down in the bathroom, which added to the décor nicely. The next morning we decided to take advantage of the much-touted “free breakfast.” It consisted of vanilla wafers, stale cereal and an employee who insisted we hurry up because she wanted to clean the coffee pot. Oh well. You get what you pay for. By the way, as an added bonus, Laura broke out in nasty hives that didn’t go away for about two weeks.

Shaking the bacteria from our feet we made our way to the time-locked town of Madison, Indiana. This was a really great town – from what we could tell in our three hours there it really is your prototypical American Midwest small town that we often think doesn’t really exist any more. We were lucky enough to arrive on a day when some sort of town craft fair was going on, where local people were selling their artwork and garden vegetables. Apparently, the town was celebrating its bicentennial. We bought a hand-painted bookmark of the town fountain by a local artist. Schultz recommends eating at Hinkles Sandwich Shop – which was where we were planning to have lunch, but as bad luck would have it, this particular day the proprietors were on vacation. Open since 1933 and we come the one day they’re closed. It was time to improvise. Laura wanted to go to the Hong Kong Kitchen. (By the way, is there a town anywhere in the world that doesn’t have a Chinese restaurant in it?) Much to Laura’s initial disappointment, we skipped the Chinese food and went to Roger’s Diner and Soda Fountain. Apparently, it’s been in operation for a hundred years, initially as a drug store. It looks just like you’d imagine some 1950s-style diner looks like, accept it isn’t put on. It truly is one of those places. We had burgers, of course. They were amazing. You could add flavors to soda, and I noticed they had strawberry, so I had them add that to a Coke. The waitress thought that was weird. So did the cook. This place has been open a hundred-years and nobody ever ordered that before? Maybe I invented it. I took great pride in this for the rest of the trip. Coke a la Oliver. For some reason, Laura wasn’t that impressed.

5. CINCINNATI CHILI

Cincinnati, Ohio

7/10/2009

The search for Cincinnati Chili was, strangely, our first major challenge. Schultz recommends Camp Washington Chili, which we sadly found boarded up. I wish I knew the story behind that. Apparently they had been open 24-hours a day since 1940. What happened? We used the GPS to search for other chili places, determined to avoid Skyline or some other chain. The GPS sent us to three other chili joints, all recently out of business. Meanwhile, Skylines and Gold Stars seemed to be on every street corner. Eventually, after two hours of searching we finally found a place called Gourmet Chili, which wasn’t even in Cincinnati. It wasn’t even in Ohio. It was about ten minutes across the border in Newport, Kentucky. Laura had a four-way and I had a five-way (I figured after all this, I should go all the way) and it was pretty good. Actually, Laura and I didn’t even know what the different “ways” were and the waitress was surprised when we asked. “It’s just like at Gold Star,” she claimed. She assumed we’d know what that meant. I guess chili must still be a big deal in the area, but apparently these little chili places are being devoured by franchises. Kind of a shame.

4. NATIONAL UNDERGROUND RAILROAD FREEDOM CENTER

Cincinnati, Ohio

7/10/2009

The National Underground Freedom Center was only built in 2004, so we were surprised something so modern was on the list. The centerpiece is an authentic slave pen that visitors can enter and examine. Uniquely for a museum piece, visitors are invited to touch the walls. It is a haunting exhibit. The rest of the museum is your standard display-case fare. A good museum.

3. SERPENT MOUND

Peebles, Ohio

7/10/2009

Next stop was the Serpent Mound, the largest effigy earthworks in the world. There’s a joke in my family about my uncle. He was a teacher too and he used to take his students on field trips to the zoo. But apparently he wasn’t one for lingering at an exhibit long enough for anyone to actually see what it. “Look at the monkey. Move on,” has become an expression in our family. The Serpent Mound is impressive, and definitely worth seeing. But ten minutes is all you need. Look at the monkey. Move on.

2. HOCKING HILLS

Logan, Ohio

7/10/2009

We would be married almost a year before we began our first “test trip,” as I called it. A lot had happened in the last year, most importantly the arrival of our first child – Daniel – in May. So now we have a little buddy to join us on our trips. While planning this trip, we discovered that Jerry Seinfeld was appearing in Indianapolis, which would be on our route. During the planning we had been renting DVDs of Seinfeld and have become born-again fans, you could say, ten years after the show went off the air. However, we knew we wouldn’t have the money to take the full trip by that date, so we decided to split the trip into two parts so spread out the expense a little bit – and to ensure we could afford to see Seinfeld. My wife’s chants of “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” while dancing about the apartment told me this was a good decision.

One of my most notorious flaws is my ability to get outrageously lost each and every time I attempt to go anywhere. I would regularly get lost driving home from work when I lived less than ten minutes away and had worked there for years. To this day I can’t navigate through my hometown neighborhood without assistance. When it comes to getting places I am useless – which we realized would be a big problem since getting to places is exactly what we are trying to do. So, we invested in a GPS system for the car. I’m in love with it. Actually, my affection for it disturbs Laura quite a bit.

The first test of my precious GPS was to get us to Hocking Hills State Park. We left home at 6:00 am and got to the Old Man’s Cave (the most famous landmark in Hocking Hills) around 7:30. All along the way I commented on how many minutes were left on our trip according to the GPS, and how many miles were left on our trip according to the GPS, and how many minutes I was able to shave off of our trip according to the GPS, and the different color-schemes the GPS uses to designate different geographical features, and the way the GPS displays little icons to indicate gas stations while I let out a little hoot every time we approached the gas station at the same moment the little gas station icon intersected the arrow thing that represents us. It was fun.

Hocking Hills was really beautiful. We got there early enough that there was no one else there at all. I strapped Daniel to my chest with a baby sling and Laura and I explored some of the trails. It really is an idyllic place, and it was just such a nice way to start our trip. I visited Hocking Hills as a Boy Scout and Laura had been there with her family some years ago. However, we decided at the beginning that trips made before we were married don’t count. The point of these trips is to experience these things together. Before we left, Laura fished an interesting rock out of a small stream. We jokingly referred to it as our “sacred stone.” It was at that point that we decided that we should collect some sort of trinket from each of the places we visit as a memento – the kookier the better. We left Hocking Hills around 10:00, just as more and more people were beginning to arrive. Hocking Hills truly is a majestic place and we were glad we got there early enough to have it all to ourselves for awhile.